Friday, February 10, 2012

9 Reasons Why Sex In Space Would Suck


Sex is amazing. Space is awesome. It makes sense that the two should be mixed together at every opportunity possible. Unfortunately there are alot of reasons doing the horizontal mumba in space won't be as awesome as mattress surfing is here on earth.






Reason #1: Lower Blood Pressure


"Here honey, wash that Viagra down with some cereal."

Perhaps the main reason sex in space would suck, is that it would hard to have sex at all! Being in space lowers your blood pressure and blood flow. Unless your planning on sticking to second base, or you want to be hopped up on Viagra for the whole mission, sex is going to be a challenge (for the guys at least). Even if you (or your man) does manage to get it up, it's likely to be smaller than it would be on earth.



Reason #2: The Sweat (And Other Fluids)


People tend to get sweaty when bumping uglies, and on earth that sweat tends to stick pretty close to our body.

I'm sweating like a blind lesbian at a fish market.

Space however has no gravity, so sweat (which people do more of in space anyway) would be floating all around you in little droplets. Not to mention all the other liquids associated with sex that would no longer be confined by gravity to stay near your body. Unless you want all manor of sexual fluids bouncing throughout the space station(and your fellow astronauts), it would be best to wait until you got back down to earth. 



Reason #3: Lack of Privacy



This one might not bother everybody, but for those of you who like to get their love making on in private, you would be hard pressed to find a moment alone on a space station, which only has the same internal volume as a Boeing 747. Forget having sex in anything else that currently exists, the space shuttle is basically a small office, and that's it.



Reason #4: It's Not Allowed


Dammit NASA

NASA does not allow sex on their flights, they don't even allow couples to go on the same mission. Have you ever worked with a dating couple in an office before? Whether it's incessant flirting, or constant bickering, it's going to annoy the rest of the crew. Not to mention if there was ever a break up. The two ex-lovers would be stuck in a small confined space for months on end before they're scheduled to come back down.



Reason #5: No Time



Being an Astronaut is alot of work! You have to do the mission that's assigned to you, plus take care of yourself, and that takes plenty of effort in space. I suppose this doesn't apply to space tourist, but there's very little time in an astronaut's day to be "fooling" around.



Reason #7: Birth Defects


Babies in space would look like this, but horribly deformed.

There have been multiple studies done on birth defects in space. One of them studied the effect of zero G environment on mice embryos, and found that the little baby rats faced realy problems in developing properly. Aside from the zero G environment, there is much more radiation in space, resulting in even more mutation of the unborn child.



Reason #8: Motion Sickness


I saw her naked guys.

Astronauts often get motion sickness when in space, with 50 percent or so of Astronauts experiencing it. If you like being acrobatic when it comes to the the no pants dance, you might find yourself over the toilet if you try it in space.



Reason #9: Physically Difficult


Kiss me

Being in zero gravity would make the motions of having sex that much more difficult as well. In a zero G environment, it's difficult to even stay near your partner. You'd need some sort of straps to even keep the two of you near each other. On astronaut is quoted as saying "You actually have to struggle to connect and stay connected" in reference to her having difficulty even kissing her husband in a zero G simulation on earth.

A quote from another individual (Logan) at Nasa stated:

"It's a pretty messy environment, when you think about it," he said. "And for every action there is an equal and opposite reaction. However ... I can well imagine how compelling, inspiring, and quite frankly stimulating choreographed sex in zero-G might be in the hands of a skilled and talented cinematographer with appropriate lighting and music."

So when you thrust... she/he would go flying across the room!

Despite all this, there are concept designs of what a space honeymoon would look like.

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